1 Thessalonians 2:3-5

So you can see we were not preaching with any deceit or impure motives or trickery. For we speak as messengers approved by God to be entrusted with the Good News. Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts. Never once did we try to win you with flattery, as you well know. And God is our witness that we were not pretending to be your friends just to get your money!

Some of the biggest relational disappointments I have experienced have been when I have discovered that a friendship I thought was based on who I am, was in reality a friendship based on what I could do for the other person, or what they hoped I would do for them.

Transactionalfriendships are prevalent in out society today, and it is very difficult to develop friendship that are beyond transactional. Over time it seems as if we are trading our friendship for networks that can help us out when we are in need of something. People tend to show preference to others who are wealthier, more famous, or have more or something that they do.

AFter me and Vicky first became Christ-followers, like 20 years ago, we started church shopping. I remember how good it felt when people would warmly introduce themselves to us at a new church and start up a conversation. Often times, it seemed like once they figured out we were already Christ-followers, they would quickly lose interest. It seemed like many of them were looking for someone they could convert, someone who could be a feather in their church hat.

Most of us have probably experienced the multi-level marketing pitch where someone becomes friends with you, invites yuo over for dinner, or out to dinner, and then finally drops the bomb about how they have an opportunity for you, which is really an opportunity for them.

As I grow older, I am increasingly convinced that I need to treat people how I want to be treated. I need to make sure that I am reaching out to people and offering them genuine friendship. I have to make sure I am not giving preference to people that I think can help me out at some point down the road. Intentional networking has its proper place, but I need to make sure I am developing more genuine friendships than I am transactional, networking friendships.

Proverbs 9:10

People who wink at wrong cause trouble, but a bold reproof promotes peace (NLT). From The Message:  An evasive eye is a sign of trouble ahead, but an open, face-to-face meeting results in peace.

Most people I have known seem to try to avoid trouble. If someone insults them, or wrongs them in some smaller way, they think they are doing the right thing, the Christian thing, but just letting it slide. If your intention is to forgive and forget, to extend grace to that person, then this might be the right path to take. If you are simply avoiding confrontation because you are afraid, or don’t care enough about the person to help them out, then it is the wrong path to take.

It is easy to err towards one extreme ot the other. I have known people who simply enjoy telling other people where they are wrong and they are contantly confronting someone about something. I don’t like hanging out with people like that, and I eventually end up tuning out their reproofs.

On the other hand, I have known people that take offense at something I have said or done, and instead of confronting me on it, it becomes a poisonous gossip fest of talking behind my back. This is probably the worst case and this path leads to friendships being damaged, or in some cases permanently destroyed.

When my attitude is concern for the other person, and putting the other person first, it is easier for me to discern between when to confront, and when to extend grace and forgive. Back-biting and cowardly gossip should never be an option for me, and i have to fight hard against that easy way out.

Proverbs 8:22-23, 27-31

“The Lord formed me from the beginning,  before he created anything else. I was appointed in ages past, at the very first, before the earth began. … I was there when he established the heavens, when he drew the horizon on the oceans. I was there when he set the clouds above, when he established springs deep in the earth. I was there when he set the limits of the seas, so they would not spread beyond their boundaries. And when he marked off the earth’s foundations, I was the architect at his side. I was his constant delight, rejoicing always in his presence. And how happy I was with the world he created; how I rejoiced with the human family!

This appears to be a description of wisdom personified. The description sounds very similar to what I think a description of Jesus would sound like. It is interesting that God created wisdom first, and that wisdom rejoiced when the earth made, and that wisdom rejoiced with the human family.

Why would that be said in the bible? Maybe it is to tell us that making the human family, and making the earth was a very wise thing. Although creation is cursed because of sin, and sin has separated the human family from God in many terrible ways, creating the world, and creating the human family was still very wise, and very good.

I guess that makes me feel better about myself, and the condition of the world, and those in it that I deal with on a regular basis. Wisdom, justice, God’s plan will all win out in the end. Occasionally, during times of frustration or sadness, I’ll wonder why God created everything knowing that we would sin and fall away from him and that there would be great suffering as a result.

This verse tells me that there is a method to the madness, and that God will be vindicated in his decision making when it is all said and done.

Prov 7:22-23

He was like a stag caught in a trap, awaiting the arrow that would pierce its heart. He was like a bird flying into a snare, little knowing it would cost him his life.

This tells me that there is something in my nature that makes it easy for me to be deceived. Easy for me to make a choice or a decision, that I will later regret. I need to be in a continual state of reflection and earnest seeking for direction in all the decisions I make. I need to have wise counsel, and need to make sure I am not putting myself in vulnerable positions.

I was reflecting last night while working late on some of the greatest decisions I have made where I have decided NOT to do something. There are so many times I have been saved from making an unwise choice. I feel sometimes like I have “guardian angels” around me that can slap me around from time to time when needed.

I need more of that getting slapped around. I need to guard myself at all times, especially the things that I say. As adults, sometimes the stupid things we say cause the most harm, do the most damage and cause the most regret. You can never take words back once they are spoken, and I need to do better at making sure I am guarding my mouth.

1 Thessalonians 1:6-8

 So you received the message with joy from the Holy Spirit in spite of the severe suffering it brought you. In this way, you imitated both us and the Lord. As a result, you have become an example to all the believers in Greece—throughout both Macedonia and Achaia. And now the word of the Lord is ringing out from you to people everywhere, even beyond Macedonia and Achaia, for wherever we go we find people telling us about your faith in God

Joy in spite of suffering. It’s hard enought for me to have joy in spite of living better than 95% of the world and having everything I have ever needed my whole life. Joy in the midst of suffering is inspiration to those around you. Moping around and complaining in a state of relative-plenty is a source of inspiration as well. Inspiration to NOT be like me.

How cool is it that these believer is Thessalonica were examples to their whole country, and cause the word of the Lord to RING out to everyone, even beyond their own country. That’s powerful. I would like even a tiny bit of that power in my life.

Colossians 4:5-6

Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.

“Make the most of every opportunity.” As I reflect back on the day each night, I would consider it a great accomplishment if I could look back and say that I made the MOST out of EVERY opportunity. In order to do that I need to first, RECOGNIZE the opportunity. Recognizing every opportunity comes from being in close fellowship with God and keeping a watchful eye and being quiet and open enough to hear God’s still, small voice.

Once I recognize the opportunity I need to take action. I need to be strategic, and make sure I make the MOST of it. If I only have a short time, I need to choose my words and actions very carefully. If I have a longer time, I need to make sure I don’t talk so much that I say something stupid.

I need to also recognize the importance of every opportunity. I recently went to a meeting of JR High leaders and I noticed that all three of the boys I had in my 5th grade Sunday school many years back, that me and my co-leaders nicknamed the “three L’s” had become Jr. High leaders as they moved into high school. Each of the had an “L” in the first letter of their name, and if you had all three of them at once, you were in BIG trouble.

None of us leaders in that 5th grade Sunday school would ever have believed that all three “L’s” would grow up to want to contribute and build into the lives of other kids.  I am not trying to say that our leadership in the 5th grade with them was the sole cause of the decisions they made, but I know for sure it was a part of the process. We contributed to their development, in a small but meaningful way. It is one area that I can say I tried to make the most of the opportunity to spend an hour with those kids every week.

God can take the little we have to offer, the two fish and 5 loaves, and turn it into amazing things with his power!

Colossians 3:8-9,12-13

But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Don’t lie to each other…you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you.

I like this chapter because it reflects a basic truth about the Christian “walk.” It is possible to be a follower of Christ, receive salvation and be headed to eternity in heaven, forgiven for all my sins, and still be a jerk. I live that out most every day. Jesus gives us the power we need to not be a jerk, to follow after him in our thoughts, words and actions, but it is not a guarantee. I have to work at it, and want it, every day.

I like the imagery of “clothing” yourself with mercy, kindness, gentleness, patience. Fortunately for the rest of the world, I have never left my house and later realized I forgot to put on my clothes. I have never forgotten or failed to get dressed before I leave the house. Unless you have serious issues, you would never leave the house without clothes.  If I could only have the same discipline in getting spiritually dressed and ready for the day. I am not sure how to make it happen, but if I could just put on kindness and patience, like I put on my socks, shirt, etc., how cool would that be. Once I had them on, I would exhibit that quality. I wish it was that easy!

Prov 6:6-11

Take a lesson from the ants, you lazybones. Learn from their ways and become wise! Though they have no prince or governor or ruler to make them work, they labor hard all summer, gathering food for the winter. But you, lazybones, how long will you sleep? When will you wake up? A little extra sleep, a little more slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest – then poverty will pounce on you like a bandit; scarcity will attack you like an armed robber.

It seems to be a common theme in Proverbs that “loving sleep” is bad. I remember the saying, “Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” I don’t understand why that is true, but in my own life, I do much better spiritually, emotionally and physically when I wake up early. For me, 5AM is a target. Get up at 5 or 5:30 instead of 6 or 6:30 makes a big difference for me. I don’t like it. I really love sleep. But when I am disciplined to wake up early, everything else in my life seems to go better.

The joy or blessing of working hard is also mentioned often in Proverbs. There is something about hard work that is good for me. It is good to look back on a job well done. There is a movie that came out recently called “The Ultimate Gift” where someone leaves their grandson a series of “gifts” he needs to experience before he receives his inheritance. The “gift” of hard work is one of them. I appreciate hard work as a gift.

One of the messages at the Willow Creek leadership conference this year spoke about excellence in work; and how a hundred years ago, Christ-followers were well-known for hard work, and excellence in their hard work. You can count on Christ-followers to do a great job with whatever they did, and have excellence in their work. We are admonished to work as if we are working for God, not man. When I am able to do that, I feel like I am a much better example to those around me.

The danger for me, is to work too long, or too hard, and neglect the priorities that are more important than my work, like my relationship with God, my wife, my kids and the other relationships in my life.

Colossians 2:16-18

So don’t let anyone condemn you for what you eat or drink, or for not celebrating certain holy days or new moon ceremonies or Sabbaths. For these rules are only shadows of the reality yet to come. And Christ himself is that reality. Don’t let anyone condemn you by insisting on pious self-denial or the worship of angels, saying they have had visions about these things.

Halloween is always a big deal around our house. I love seeing my kids in cute costumes and seeing other kids running around the neighbor in their costumes. I love candy. I love eating my kids candy. I loved when my kids were too small to eat candy and I got to eat all of it. I love to buy too much Halloween candy so there is plenty left over afterward.

Many followers of Christ choose not to celebrate Halloween, and that is OK. I certainly don’t hold it against them. There are many aspects of the holiday that are negative. Many people use it as an excuse to dress too provocatively. I am not a big fan of ugly witch costumes, or pentagrams, or things squirting blood. Many of those things are tasteless decorations if anything else.

What I do take issue to is when followers of Christ say they don’t celebrate the holiday BECAUSE it is a pagan holiday. The truth is, EVERY day of the year is a pagan holiday of some kind. It is a fact of history that Christmas is taken from the pagan holiday of Saturnalia, when Romans would spend seven days celebrating the God Saturn; and their was much wickedness associated with it. Easter is taken from a pagan holiday which celebrated the feast of the fertility goddess Ishtar, from whose name the word Easter is derived. The fertility goddess celebration makes the skimpiest Halloween costumes look like traditional Amish garb atcompared to a rip-roarin fertility festival.

If people wish to not participate in Halloween because of some of the things it represents that is OK, they just shouldn’t take their personal choice and turn it into a condemnation or a way to look down upon others. Certainly some of the things Christmas and Easter have come to represent are not all that great either; but, one of the great opportunities taht comes from being a committed Christ-follower in the world is that I can be an example of everything that is good, about any day, any event, any celebration.

Of course, it is important to temper any freedom you have been given within the broader context of loving otehrs so much that you put their needs above your own. In Romans 14:21, Paul exhorts us not to use our freedom to cause your bother to fall. I try not to make a big deal about Halloween, or having a beer or glass of wine, or whatever it is, around people that it would completely offend, or cause to go down the wrong path. My freedom should never be an excuse to harm someone.

I need to take the time to carefully discern every situation I am in, and carefully and lovingly look to the best interests of those around me.

Prov 5:15-19

Drink water from your own well – share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in the streets, “sleeping” with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Never share it with strangers. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth… May you always be captivated by her love.

There is a little colorful language in this one, and I think you can easily replace the word “wife” with the word “spouse”. Right here I think this is God’s plan for marriage. Marriage was designed at the very beginning to be an example of Jesus’ love for the church, which really means Jesus’ love for those who follow him. That is some serious love, and my marriage is supposed to be an example of that so when the world looks at the relationship between me and my wife they will say, “Wow. That is some serious love for each other they have.” My marriage should inspire questions and respect.

Not having affairs, emotional or otherwise is the bare minimum expectation God has for my marriage. That is the no-brainer, or “duh” part of marriage. Of course God wants you to be pure, I believe both emotionally and physically. Your spouse should be your best friend. Your spouse should get the bulk and the best of your deep emotional investment, your help, your support, your respect. When people see my marriage, they need to say more than, “Wow. She was a really saint for putting up with him all those years and not leaving him.”

God wants your my marriage, all marriages to be incredible. God wants me and my wife to be captivated with each other every day of what God hopes to be a very long marriage. God wants us to be madly in love, romantically, emotionally, spiritually. Not only is it a good witness for those within our wider sphere of influence, but it is good for our kids. Once of the best pieces of advice I ever took years ago is that your marriage relationship comes before your relationship with your kids. In terms of making priority calls, my spouse is first, and my kids come second. That may seem counter-intuitive to some people. but it is some of the wisest counsel I have every received.

I fall short of God’s expectation for my marriage every day. My wife and kids know that, and God knows it. But, my GOAL should be to have an incredible, captivating marriage where we are madly in love with each other and I always put my wife’s needs before mine. I think that is very important. If that is my goal, I have a chance of making it. I have a chance of getting it done sometimes. If I don’t start with my goal being the best, my best will never be attained, ever. Even if just occasionally.

One of my deepest desires for my kids is that if/when they get married, they have an absolutely incredible, loving marriage. They will have the best chance of success if they live well BEFORE they are married, and their approach to dating and relationship is one that has the end-goal of a marriage that is an example of Jesus’ love for those who follow him. If that is the end goal of any dating relationship they have, or even any crush they may have (which can eventually lead to marriage), they will be in the right frame of mind to make the right decisions.