1 Thessalonians 2:3-5

So you can see we were not preaching with any deceit or impure motives or trickery. For we speak as messengers approved by God to be entrusted with the Good News. Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts. Never once did we try to win you with flattery, as you well know. And God is our witness that we were not pretending to be your friends just to get your money!

Some of the biggest relational disappointments I have experienced have been when I have discovered that a friendship I thought was based on who I am, was in reality a friendship based on what I could do for the other person, or what they hoped I would do for them.

Transactionalfriendships are prevalent in out society today, and it is very difficult to develop friendship that are beyond transactional. Over time it seems as if we are trading our friendship for networks that can help us out when we are in need of something. People tend to show preference to others who are wealthier, more famous, or have more or something that they do.

AFter me and Vicky first became Christ-followers, like 20 years ago, we started church shopping. I remember how good it felt when people would warmly introduce themselves to us at a new church and start up a conversation. Often times, it seemed like once they figured out we were already Christ-followers, they would quickly lose interest. It seemed like many of them were looking for someone they could convert, someone who could be a feather in their church hat.

Most of us have probably experienced the multi-level marketing pitch where someone becomes friends with you, invites yuo over for dinner, or out to dinner, and then finally drops the bomb about how they have an opportunity for you, which is really an opportunity for them.

As I grow older, I am increasingly convinced that I need to treat people how I want to be treated. I need to make sure that I am reaching out to people and offering them genuine friendship. I have to make sure I am not giving preference to people that I think can help me out at some point down the road. Intentional networking has its proper place, but I need to make sure I am developing more genuine friendships than I am transactional, networking friendships.

Proverbs 9:10

People who wink at wrong cause trouble, but a bold reproof promotes peace (NLT). From The Message:  An evasive eye is a sign of trouble ahead, but an open, face-to-face meeting results in peace.

Most people I have known seem to try to avoid trouble. If someone insults them, or wrongs them in some smaller way, they think they are doing the right thing, the Christian thing, but just letting it slide. If your intention is to forgive and forget, to extend grace to that person, then this might be the right path to take. If you are simply avoiding confrontation because you are afraid, or don’t care enough about the person to help them out, then it is the wrong path to take.

It is easy to err towards one extreme ot the other. I have known people who simply enjoy telling other people where they are wrong and they are contantly confronting someone about something. I don’t like hanging out with people like that, and I eventually end up tuning out their reproofs.

On the other hand, I have known people that take offense at something I have said or done, and instead of confronting me on it, it becomes a poisonous gossip fest of talking behind my back. This is probably the worst case and this path leads to friendships being damaged, or in some cases permanently destroyed.

When my attitude is concern for the other person, and putting the other person first, it is easier for me to discern between when to confront, and when to extend grace and forgive. Back-biting and cowardly gossip should never be an option for me, and i have to fight hard against that easy way out.