Proverbs 9:10

People who wink at wrong cause trouble, but a bold reproof promotes peace (NLT). From The Message:  An evasive eye is a sign of trouble ahead, but an open, face-to-face meeting results in peace.

Most people I have known seem to try to avoid trouble. If someone insults them, or wrongs them in some smaller way, they think they are doing the right thing, the Christian thing, but just letting it slide. If your intention is to forgive and forget, to extend grace to that person, then this might be the right path to take. If you are simply avoiding confrontation because you are afraid, or don’t care enough about the person to help them out, then it is the wrong path to take.

It is easy to err towards one extreme ot the other. I have known people who simply enjoy telling other people where they are wrong and they are contantly confronting someone about something. I don’t like hanging out with people like that, and I eventually end up tuning out their reproofs.

On the other hand, I have known people that take offense at something I have said or done, and instead of confronting me on it, it becomes a poisonous gossip fest of talking behind my back. This is probably the worst case and this path leads to friendships being damaged, or in some cases permanently destroyed.

When my attitude is concern for the other person, and putting the other person first, it is easier for me to discern between when to confront, and when to extend grace and forgive. Back-biting and cowardly gossip should never be an option for me, and i have to fight hard against that easy way out.

Proverbs 8:22-23, 27-31

“The Lord formed me from the beginning,  before he created anything else. I was appointed in ages past, at the very first, before the earth began. … I was there when he established the heavens, when he drew the horizon on the oceans. I was there when he set the clouds above, when he established springs deep in the earth. I was there when he set the limits of the seas, so they would not spread beyond their boundaries. And when he marked off the earth’s foundations, I was the architect at his side. I was his constant delight, rejoicing always in his presence. And how happy I was with the world he created; how I rejoiced with the human family!

This appears to be a description of wisdom personified. The description sounds very similar to what I think a description of Jesus would sound like. It is interesting that God created wisdom first, and that wisdom rejoiced when the earth made, and that wisdom rejoiced with the human family.

Why would that be said in the bible? Maybe it is to tell us that making the human family, and making the earth was a very wise thing. Although creation is cursed because of sin, and sin has separated the human family from God in many terrible ways, creating the world, and creating the human family was still very wise, and very good.

I guess that makes me feel better about myself, and the condition of the world, and those in it that I deal with on a regular basis. Wisdom, justice, God’s plan will all win out in the end. Occasionally, during times of frustration or sadness, I’ll wonder why God created everything knowing that we would sin and fall away from him and that there would be great suffering as a result.

This verse tells me that there is a method to the madness, and that God will be vindicated in his decision making when it is all said and done.

Prov 7:22-23

He was like a stag caught in a trap, awaiting the arrow that would pierce its heart. He was like a bird flying into a snare, little knowing it would cost him his life.

This tells me that there is something in my nature that makes it easy for me to be deceived. Easy for me to make a choice or a decision, that I will later regret. I need to be in a continual state of reflection and earnest seeking for direction in all the decisions I make. I need to have wise counsel, and need to make sure I am not putting myself in vulnerable positions.

I was reflecting last night while working late on some of the greatest decisions I have made where I have decided NOT to do something. There are so many times I have been saved from making an unwise choice. I feel sometimes like I have “guardian angels” around me that can slap me around from time to time when needed.

I need more of that getting slapped around. I need to guard myself at all times, especially the things that I say. As adults, sometimes the stupid things we say cause the most harm, do the most damage and cause the most regret. You can never take words back once they are spoken, and I need to do better at making sure I am guarding my mouth.

Prov 6:6-11

Take a lesson from the ants, you lazybones. Learn from their ways and become wise! Though they have no prince or governor or ruler to make them work, they labor hard all summer, gathering food for the winter. But you, lazybones, how long will you sleep? When will you wake up? A little extra sleep, a little more slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest – then poverty will pounce on you like a bandit; scarcity will attack you like an armed robber.

It seems to be a common theme in Proverbs that “loving sleep” is bad. I remember the saying, “Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” I don’t understand why that is true, but in my own life, I do much better spiritually, emotionally and physically when I wake up early. For me, 5AM is a target. Get up at 5 or 5:30 instead of 6 or 6:30 makes a big difference for me. I don’t like it. I really love sleep. But when I am disciplined to wake up early, everything else in my life seems to go better.

The joy or blessing of working hard is also mentioned often in Proverbs. There is something about hard work that is good for me. It is good to look back on a job well done. There is a movie that came out recently called “The Ultimate Gift” where someone leaves their grandson a series of “gifts” he needs to experience before he receives his inheritance. The “gift” of hard work is one of them. I appreciate hard work as a gift.

One of the messages at the Willow Creek leadership conference this year spoke about excellence in work; and how a hundred years ago, Christ-followers were well-known for hard work, and excellence in their hard work. You can count on Christ-followers to do a great job with whatever they did, and have excellence in their work. We are admonished to work as if we are working for God, not man. When I am able to do that, I feel like I am a much better example to those around me.

The danger for me, is to work too long, or too hard, and neglect the priorities that are more important than my work, like my relationship with God, my wife, my kids and the other relationships in my life.

Prov 5:15-19

Drink water from your own well – share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in the streets, “sleeping” with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Never share it with strangers. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth… May you always be captivated by her love.

There is a little colorful language in this one, and I think you can easily replace the word “wife” with the word “spouse”. Right here I think this is God’s plan for marriage. Marriage was designed at the very beginning to be an example of Jesus’ love for the church, which really means Jesus’ love for those who follow him. That is some serious love, and my marriage is supposed to be an example of that so when the world looks at the relationship between me and my wife they will say, “Wow. That is some serious love for each other they have.” My marriage should inspire questions and respect.

Not having affairs, emotional or otherwise is the bare minimum expectation God has for my marriage. That is the no-brainer, or “duh” part of marriage. Of course God wants you to be pure, I believe both emotionally and physically. Your spouse should be your best friend. Your spouse should get the bulk and the best of your deep emotional investment, your help, your support, your respect. When people see my marriage, they need to say more than, “Wow. She was a really saint for putting up with him all those years and not leaving him.”

God wants your my marriage, all marriages to be incredible. God wants me and my wife to be captivated with each other every day of what God hopes to be a very long marriage. God wants us to be madly in love, romantically, emotionally, spiritually. Not only is it a good witness for those within our wider sphere of influence, but it is good for our kids. Once of the best pieces of advice I ever took years ago is that your marriage relationship comes before your relationship with your kids. In terms of making priority calls, my spouse is first, and my kids come second. That may seem counter-intuitive to some people. but it is some of the wisest counsel I have every received.

I fall short of God’s expectation for my marriage every day. My wife and kids know that, and God knows it. But, my GOAL should be to have an incredible, captivating marriage where we are madly in love with each other and I always put my wife’s needs before mine. I think that is very important. If that is my goal, I have a chance of making it. I have a chance of getting it done sometimes. If I don’t start with my goal being the best, my best will never be attained, ever. Even if just occasionally.

One of my deepest desires for my kids is that if/when they get married, they have an absolutely incredible, loving marriage. They will have the best chance of success if they live well BEFORE they are married, and their approach to dating and relationship is one that has the end-goal of a marriage that is an example of Jesus’ love for those who follow him. If that is the end goal of any dating relationship they have, or even any crush they may have (which can eventually lead to marriage), they will be in the right frame of mind to make the right decisions.

Proverbs 4:23-24

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. Avoid all perverse talk; stay away from corrupt speech.

This is great advice in general, but lately I have had some specific questions on this. I am a big Will Ferrel, Owen Wilson, and Ben Stiller fan. I have wanted to see their recent movies, but I was encouraged by my teenage children not to after they saw it. “Mom would kill you if you saw it!” “It was disgusting. Really inappropriate.”

That is how you know you are getting old when you teenage kids see movies before you do and advise you not to see them be cause they are too inappropriate. So, the question is, how much is too much? Meet the Parent was a good movie. I laughed really hard through most of it and it was very funny. Would I want one of my daughters to be sleeping with a guy she is dating? No. That’s in the movie, but it is not a big part of it, so, I look past it so I can get something out of the movie.

One of the things I have asked myself is would Jesus laugh at “inappropriate” stuff that was super funny? Would he think it was funny? We are admonished to guard our hearts, and in Philippians 4:8, Paul says to “Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise” Its hard to sit through a popular movie these days and do that.

So, do I just stop watching most movies all together, and become withdrawn from society and irrelevant , prudish, or do I carry on like it is OK, and just ignore it, while it slowly eats away at my soul? Everyone has a pain threshold. I liked Meet the Parents so much that I rented Meet the Fockers. It was one of only a handful of movies that I have rented and actually turned it of fin the middle of the movie. It was over-the-top inappropriate and I was embarrassed to watch it in front of my kids.

So on one hand, you have the righteous prude who won’t watch any movies but falls in other areas and comes off as being hypocritical; and, on the other hand you have the hippie-Christian who runs around naked, smokes pot, curses and tells dirty jokes and is really indistinguishable from a real hippie expect for the “His Pain Your Gain” t-shirt he is wearing.

So, I am not sure where to land on this one. It is not an easy one. Guard your heart. Avoid perverse speech. Fix your thoughts on what is true. Those aren’t just good suggestions, they are mandates that need to be followed. The question is, can you follow them and watch the movie Wedding Crashers at the same time. I am not sure…

Proverbs 3:27-28

Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it’s in your power to help them. If you can help your neighbor now, don’t say, “Come back tomorrow, and then I’ll help you.”

There are a lot of insightful verses in this chapter. I am currently looking for advice on how I can reach out to those around me. There seems to be a “movement” in the church right now towards outreach; towards providing for people’s needs, not only spiritual needs, but, physical and emotional needs as well.

When I read through the Bible with that slant, it’s amazing how many passages discuss reaching out to people. Since I wasn’t really looking for them before, it must have been easier to miss them.

If proverbs is teaching about common sense, wisdom, knowledge and understanding; how to live a fulfilled and meaningful life, I guess it makes sense that it would talk about outreach. In my own life, the term outreach is growing in context from writing a check or putting money in a salvation army bucket at Christmas time to include actions, time, words and feeling.

This verse is pretty inclusive. Don;t withhold good. “Good” is a pretty all-inclusive word, and in addition to buying someone a piece of bread right before they die of starvation, it may also mean taking someone out to lunch and getting to know some of the struggles in their life more deeply. It might mean taking time to help someone with chores or work around their house that they may not be able to do themselves. It might mean being patient with a coworker or member of your family when they are pushing all your buttons at once. It might mean a letter, or an email with the right thoughts at the right time. It might be cooking dinner, washing the dishes, or a million other, seemingly trivial things.

It is easy for me to get caught up in the mode where I have to be doing great and wonderful, huge amazing things to help people, or nothing at all. If I’m not flying half-way across the world, breaking down brothel walls, beating up pimps and freeing children from slavery then I get a free pass on the rest of my life where I can ignore the needs of people around me, close to where I live. I have to open my eyes and see the need of everyone around me, everyone that God has placed in my path.

I remember the book title, “Don’t sweat the small stuff, and it’s all small stuff.” I understand where that book was coming from, not worrying, etc. But I think if God were to write a similar book about outreach it might be called, “Don’t sweat the big stuff, the small stuff is more important to me. — Let me worry about the big stuff.” “Small things” make relationships better, or tear them apart.”Small things” make people feel valued, or rejected. “Small things” make the world go around. I am excited to serve a God who cares so much about the “Small things” in life.

Proverbs 2:20

Follow the steps of good men instead, and stay on the paths of the righteous.

This is a powerful verse, and has characterized so much of my parenting. Will Smith hosted the “Kids Choice Awards” on Nickelodeon a few years back, and when he accepted his award, he had some wise words to say. He told the kids, “You are who you hang out with” so he encouraged them to choose the right friends, because you become your close friends.

As a parent, I am very concerned about my kids friends. Ever since my first child was born, I have prayed for their future friends (and boyfriends, girlfriends). The older kids get, the more influence their friends will have on them, their choices, their beliefs, what is important to them, and the less influence me and Vicky will have on them as parents.

We have made a conscious effort to encourage the close friendships we want to see flourish, and discourage the ones that will lead to problems. To do that effectively, we have had to get to know their friends well, and take time to develop friendships with their friends as well. God has been faithful and has provided some wonderful friends for our kids. It is an ongoing process, and as my older kids prepare for college, and as my younger kids prepare for high school and junior high, I know there is much more prayer and hanging out for me and Vicky to do as parents.

As easy as it is for me to apply this principle to my kids, I have found it difficult to apply to myself. I hang out with my family, the people at work, and to a much lesser extent, people in my small group. I really have no intentional friendships based on “who I would like to become.” One of the reasons I shy away from this is I really dislike “transactional friendships.” I don’t like when people seek friendship with me, or those close to me based mainly on what the other person hopes to get out of the relationship; and I never want to be that way myself.

Another big reason is time. I don’t have time to develop relationships outside of home and work. Of course, there are not many people I run into outside of home and work that I could forge a friendship with, even if I wanted to and had the time. I have been praying lately, for me and my family, that God brings a positive, mentoring relationship into each of our lives, and that, God also brings people into our lives that we can mentor.

If I seek to be mentored by others, I have to be willing to be a mentor to others as well. I used to think of that as being prideful; but, the truth is, there are always people that I could help, that I have more experience than in a certain area, and there are always people that can help me.

I need to have keen perception to tell the difference between relationships that will be positive and relationships that will be destructive. In eagerness to be mentored, and to mentor, I must have a great deal of discernment. In a life where time is precious and there is more than enough suffering going on, I don;t need to add to it by connecting with the wrong people. So, I will continue to look for those mentoring relationship opportunities, and I hope I have the discernment and the will to follow through.

Proverbs 1:18-19

But these people set an ambush for themselves; they are trying to get themselves killed. Such is the fate of all who are greedy for money; it robs them of life.

When our family hears in the news about a marriage that is having problems or has gone bad, I use it as an opportunity to ask my kids, “If this couple knew how it was going to end, do you think that would have gotten married in the first place?” I want to illustrate the point with my kids that it is easy to put yourself in a very bad situation down the road without even realizing it.

It sounds ridiculous that anyone would set an ambush for themselves. Most thinking people would never do that intentionally, so that tells me that it is relatively easy to put yourself in a bad spot UNINTENTIONALLY. So, how do you know?

I have heard words of wisdom from many people who have had their marriages go really bad in the end. Most of them say, in one way or another, that there were signs when they were dating, before they were married, that there was a risk of things going wrong. Most of these people chose to overlook, or ignore those warning signs. Of course, hindsight is 20-20 and it is always easier to see these warning signs when looking back at them.

That is why I need to be very attentive now for these warning signs. How can I make sure I am not setting an ambush for myself? For me, greed would most likely manifest itself at work. Is greed for money, success and/or power driving me at work? Right now I am going through a time at my job where I am working much more than 40 hour weeks. I feel like it is only for a season, and that it is necessary to take advantage of some opportunities that will disappear without some investment now. I think, for now, that it is in my best interest, and my families best interest, for me to be working long hours right now. How do I know for sure I won’t look back at this time and regret it?

I really need to find trusted, like-minded advisers outside of my work and family that can offer independent advice on these kinds fo things. I need to invest in some meaningful relationships with those outside work and my immediate circle so I have some accountability. This is something that I have been praying for regularly now. Of course, prayer can be a benefit in this area as well. In Ps 26:1-3, David asks God, Test me, O LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind. I am in desperate need of wise counsel for God in these areas. I need to have my heart and mind tested and examined when it comes to these things. I need to check my motives and intents. Only God can see clearly into my heart to make these things known, and I need to be asking specifically for this kind of help.

One last thing, I heard a well-known pastor, Andy Stanley, speak at a world-renowned leadership conference. His talk was entitled, “The Best Leadership Decision I Ever Made.” I think many people were surprised to hear that the best leadership decision he ever made was to prioritize his family above work, and work no more than 45 hours a week, and leave work at 4:00PM every day, no matter what. It was a powerful, convicting message. Easier said than done I think, but, God would certainly honor any effort in this area.

Proverbs 1:7

Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.

This is a common verse, and one of the first things I think about when I read this verse is “fear.” I am “old-school”, and part of growing up when I did included having a deep respect, and “fear” even of those in authority over me. Parents, teachers, bosses, policeman, government officials, etc. When I am around high ranking people, I get nervous and exhibit many of the same characteristics of fear. A healthy “fear” of authority is good. I should fear and respect those in authority, and if I don’t, my pride is probably out of whack.

In addition to just the fear aspect of respect, there is another aspect I found from dictionary.com: fear -> reverential awe; reverence -> respect; respect -> “deference to someone considered to have certain rights or privileges”; deference -> “respectful yielding to the judgment, opinion, will, etc., of another.” That definition adds a great deal of insight into this verse.

The yielding of myself to the will and opinion of God is the foundation of true knowledge.  God’s will and opinion are revealed in the words of the Bible, in prayer, journalling, community with other Christ-followers, etc. So, the foundation of true knowledge is seeking God’s will AND opinion for my life in the various ways HE reveals them. I can understand that. Hopefully I can do it too.